I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
