we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
