I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
