We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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