That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
