im drinking this country out of the recession.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
