Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
