life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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