$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
