we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
