even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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