Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
