Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize