She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
