alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
