he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
