I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
