I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
