I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
