Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want you more than these girls want KFC
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
