You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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