She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
