i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
