my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
