Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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