i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Vodka?
Forever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
