We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
