I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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