I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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