every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
