they need to just BURY HIM!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
