Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Its about making memories worth repressing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
