I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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