Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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