I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
