just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize