Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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