Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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