On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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