There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
