Will you blow on my dice?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
