Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
