i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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