You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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