you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
