Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
