I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
