Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
