so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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