My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
