She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
