While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
