Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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