Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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