i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
