He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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