My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize