I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
