why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
