there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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