I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
