...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
