the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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