If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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