conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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