My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize