the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I forget how to act sober
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
