sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
