Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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