no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
