you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
