he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
