Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize