I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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